I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
