Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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