just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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