i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
