I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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