Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
