think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
