I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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