I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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