nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
