She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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