Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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