you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize