So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
