we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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