If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
