Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
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Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
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he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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