I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
