goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
My vagina just clenched in fear
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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