Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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