I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
