Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
