I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
i now understand why vodka
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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