we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
a search helicopter?!
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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