I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
