Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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