My hand turned me down
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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