I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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