Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
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I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
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So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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