Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
