I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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