the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
