lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
