Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
