Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
