she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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