did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
