u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
