Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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