I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
