I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
areolas are like halos for boobs.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
