I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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