Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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