I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
