My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
