I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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