I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
