you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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