my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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