Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
nutella sex= disaster
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
