and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
