pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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