On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
People in love make me want to vomit
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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