he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
