I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
