i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We talked him into tasing himself.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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