I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
you inspire me to be a worse person
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
