I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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