WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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