Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
