like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
