Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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