I didn't shave. On purpose
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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