hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
