Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
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