I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
