My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i think my mom watched the whole time
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
