You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
