I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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