Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
