so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
