Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
420 ftw
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
