I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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