those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
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