I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
