Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
