so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
