her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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