it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
