He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
