I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
