smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
